I have no will power left...

Well I hadn't lost any weight in a while, which can be hard. Then come to find out that everyone but me that was doing this diet quit. Talk about giving me an excuse to throw in the towel. So I decided to finish that day (I hadn't cheated at all) then I would reaccess the situation. Well the next morning weighing I lost 4 pounds...YAY!

See what happens when you don't cheat. I realize that even little cheats push me over my allotted calories, I don't gain weight but I am definitely not losing any.

So I decide to hang in there its only a week and a half left...I can do this.

Next day is Monday I got this...when I get off we have Dr appointments and errands to run so I am distracted until...the girls start get fussy and whiny. I ask if they are hungry, of course they are, so to get them to stop breaking down at the Dr's office I bribe them with going out to eat. It work ...peace for a moment. Erick decide on cafe rio...long story short I cheat and get a chicken salad...I only ate half :) But a cheat is a cheat.

Next day weigh in, no lose or gain. So I am determined to not cheat anymore so I can get the results from this diet I am hoping for..20 pounds this round is my goal. I do good at work..they ordered Foot long Subway sandwiches for everyone but I pass...I am determined...give myself a pat on the back for not giving in. Keep in mind they love to tempt me week 1 cafe rio at work...didn't eat it. Week 2 pizza at work...had one peace but picked off all the meat and ate nothing else all day. So here I am going home proud ad can be and we go to taco bell...I get 2 tacos with just meat and onions no sauce...eat them. Erick gives me a bit of this new pork taco sooooooo good. Remember everything I eat is plain no extras so this taste amazing. I make him order me another one...fill so full when we leave and am so upset with myself. My will power has gone out the window, I have none left.

SO I decide the next day I will not cheat, weight remains the same...am actually surprised I didn't gain after gorging myself at Taco Bell. I am doing really good then I realize I am out of my "diet" food tomorrow and will have to stop the diet for at least a day until I can go to the store. I go tell Erick I might just quit the diet until I do the second round in October...He gives me crap about it...Thanks babe for making me feel like crap. He thinks I should stick to it just eat what we have under 500 calories and go pick up food for the last week of the diet.

I am annoyed, how dare he make me feel bad. Doesn't he see I have lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks...I think that is amazing. I tell him he never gives me credit for what I have done, he always has to focus on all the weight I still have to lose. He disagrees says he does notice and has told me so. I tell him he isn't being supportive..He replies I am suppose to support you quiting your diet. I am trying to support you sticking it out til the end. Which makes sense to me but piss me off cause I want him to give me permission to quit.

Later Jill and Brian come over and have chips and salsa and I eat some...damnit I have no self control...what am I doing. If I am going to quit I need to stop taking the drops cause they have calories in them. I am fighting a battle in my head...one side of me wanting to quit and the other wanting to finish. It is only a week I can stick this out...But I miss food with flavor.

So that was yesterday, I have decided to stick it out until the end. I am going to do my best to refocus and not cheat the rest of the diet...which this round is over on Friday so about a week. I can do this...I hope.