What a week....

Lillian decided on Friday to cut her own hair...yes 4 days before school starts. We have been growing her bangs out for months and they were getting pretty long too. So she comes up to me Friday night and says "Mommy do I look different?" I looked at her and she was wearing rain boots with her shorts...so I say " Yes cute rain boots!" She says " No look higher" with a big proud smile on her face. I look closer "YOU CUT YOUR HAIR?" I was in complete shock. She had cut her bangs...sooo short in some places and took chunks out of the sides. The good thing is she did alot of the underneath hairs and she was using these fold up tiny little scissors. Jill, who was there, says"It could be so much worse". Which is true..I guess.

The next day we try to figure out how best to fix her hair. No more braiding the front, which I love to do. Even when I try to clip back the bangs little spiky hairs peak out. The o

nly solution is to cut all her bangs to try and hide the spots that the hair is cut really close to the scalp. So we go over to PaPa's house to have Grandma Melanie fix her bangs.

First day of school comes around...I decide I will wake up at 7 go jogging come back shower...then wake her up at 8:00 to get ready...school starts at 9. Nope she had other plans she is up at 7:30 when I get back from jogging. She is so excited to go to school...she is rushing me all morning. She kept saying" We are running late" We get to the school 15 minutes early and they don't open the door to her class until 9:00. Oh and we have to sign her in and out so not like we can just drop her off. So we sit outside her class and wait. She still looked way cute even though her hair was not the way I envisioned it.

So we get into the class room and she starts crying when I say goodbye. I feel so bad..she is the only kid crying. I finally leave after hugging her bye 5 times. I cry as I walk to my car...hard to leave your baby girl when she is crying and begging you to take her home to daddy. I almost turned around then reminded nyself...this is good for her. She called me after school...she was fine loved it.

She cried the next day too!

Found the picture of me when I am just preggo with Lilly! Look how small I was...I miss that!

What a day...

So I have had the longest day and am ready to sleep...its only 7:45 pm.

It started with every little noise keeping me from sleeping this morning. I swear my neighbor started mowing his lawn at 6 am and kept on until 10. at least it felt like that.

Then both girls don't want to eat the cereal we have..Cheerios or Honey Nut Kix... they want Cinnamon Toast Crunch. We ran out a couple of days ago and I still haven't got to the store...want them to finish the cereal we got but they love the sugar high I suspect.

We put Lilly's hair in sponge curls for the first time last night...testing it out so we can do it for school. It was pretty cute for my first try. She loved it...i think I will use different sizes but I am learning.

My Dad stops by to take my tree limps to the dump...I cut down an apple tree...I hate fruit trees. He has the buys with him who stay and play while he takes the load. when he gets back the leave and I notice Kayden has two of the girls toys, a toy squirt gun and an airplane. I ask him what he is doing and he says Oh sorry...like you didn't know what you where doing. Then Dalton tries to take the gun and I tell him not to. He is taking a long time to put it back...He comes out of the room walk funny, so I pat him down he has the gun down his pants. You have got to be kidding me, I tell my dad he says come on buddy.. Not sure I would have been that easy on them.

So we got all ready to go get a gift for Aydree and Brooklyn's Birthday Party (Chase's daughters). Go to Target am running late, every outfit we like doesn't come in there size/ Finally go to pick up grandma am running late but we get there. get to the party both girls are asleep and Elijah is screaming his head off. Well Jill takes Rickie, i wake up Lilly and carry in a very upset little boy. Lilly cries several times through out the party and Rickie is stuck to me like glue...Thank God Jill and Grandma are there to help. Once they get cake they lighten up.

So right when we pulled up to the party my gas light came on and of course i left my purse at home. We are 22 miles away from home and it is a very hot day, I try to drive with my windows down but we are all to hot. So i cross my fingers and hope for the best. we stop at my house and then get gas...Yes we make it. My dad is at Grandma's mowing her long and headed to my house next...So i take Dalton with me. Mistake he and Lilly are arguing over everything and driving me nuts.

We get to the house and Jill and Brain are there i am taking them to a Wedding so I put the baby back in his seat...did i mentioned he hasn't slept and is so fussy. decide to leave Lilly with dad and Dalton and take Noah. We are all loaded just going to make sure its coll with Lilly if I go and Dalton starts crying..long story short he has an accident and I have to take Lilly with me.

Drop Jill off get back dad is gone...but that's cool he must have taken Dalton home to change. I am getting drinks for all the kids after and getting ready tochange bums. I go to get Noah and he has gotten into Elijah formula...no Elijah's LAST CAN of FORMULA and spilt over half on the floor. I tell him no and he starts to cry. I change his bum and clean him off when my dad returns...I tell him what happened and he takes all the kids outside with him. I vacuum up the formula and feel like crying. I know its only formula but its like $14 a can and money is tight for us. Silly but I am feeling over whelmed.

I get Elijah to sleep and go outside. None of the girls cars are there... I ask Lilly if she took them inside she says no, so I accuse Dalton of taking them. I search the house and car and find them all...I apologize to Dalton but you try to steal once I will always think its you.

Dad leaves and takes the kids with him, I am greatful he mowes my lawn for me and this we I am greatful he is done. Now I am waiting until I have to go get Jill and Brain from the wedding. Things are quiet for now...

I have no will power left...

Well I hadn't lost any weight in a while, which can be hard. Then come to find out that everyone but me that was doing this diet quit. Talk about giving me an excuse to throw in the towel. So I decided to finish that day (I hadn't cheated at all) then I would reaccess the situation. Well the next morning weighing I lost 4 pounds...YAY!

See what happens when you don't cheat. I realize that even little cheats push me over my allotted calories, I don't gain weight but I am definitely not losing any.

So I decide to hang in there its only a week and a half left...I can do this.

Next day is Monday I got this...when I get off we have Dr appointments and errands to run so I am distracted until...the girls start get fussy and whiny. I ask if they are hungry, of course they are, so to get them to stop breaking down at the Dr's office I bribe them with going out to eat. It work ...peace for a moment. Erick decide on cafe rio...long story short I cheat and get a chicken salad...I only ate half :) But a cheat is a cheat.

Next day weigh in, no lose or gain. So I am determined to not cheat anymore so I can get the results from this diet I am hoping for..20 pounds this round is my goal. I do good at work..they ordered Foot long Subway sandwiches for everyone but I pass...I am determined...give myself a pat on the back for not giving in. Keep in mind they love to tempt me week 1 cafe rio at work...didn't eat it. Week 2 pizza at work...had one peace but picked off all the meat and ate nothing else all day. So here I am going home proud ad can be and we go to taco bell...I get 2 tacos with just meat and onions no sauce...eat them. Erick gives me a bit of this new pork taco sooooooo good. Remember everything I eat is plain no extras so this taste amazing. I make him order me another one...fill so full when we leave and am so upset with myself. My will power has gone out the window, I have none left.

SO I decide the next day I will not cheat, weight remains the same...am actually surprised I didn't gain after gorging myself at Taco Bell. I am doing really good then I realize I am out of my "diet" food tomorrow and will have to stop the diet for at least a day until I can go to the store. I go tell Erick I might just quit the diet until I do the second round in October...He gives me crap about it...Thanks babe for making me feel like crap. He thinks I should stick to it just eat what we have under 500 calories and go pick up food for the last week of the diet.

I am annoyed, how dare he make me feel bad. Doesn't he see I have lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks...I think that is amazing. I tell him he never gives me credit for what I have done, he always has to focus on all the weight I still have to lose. He disagrees says he does notice and has told me so. I tell him he isn't being supportive..He replies I am suppose to support you quiting your diet. I am trying to support you sticking it out til the end. Which makes sense to me but piss me off cause I want him to give me permission to quit.

Later Jill and Brian come over and have chips and salsa and I eat some...damnit I have no self control...what am I doing. If I am going to quit I need to stop taking the drops cause they have calories in them. I am fighting a battle in my head...one side of me wanting to quit and the other wanting to finish. It is only a week I can stick this out...But I miss food with flavor.

So that was yesterday, I have decided to stick it out until the end. I am going to do my best to refocus and not cheat the rest of the diet...which this round is over on Friday so about a week. I can do this...I hope.

Update on everyone

Well I decided to blog at work since it is so slow... So here is an update on the family.

Erick is doing good, he stays home with the kids during the day and is still working at Olive Garden at night. He is hoping to start school full time next fall ..and I think he has decided on a new career path but I will let him share that when he is for sure. He takes care of all the new responsibilities with our new place...our lawn looks amazing and we are working on updating the the inside and siding.

Me, I am doing good. I am on my diet (will blog about that later), I do miss food but it is worth it. Cause when Mom is happy everyone wins:). I enjoy my job and love the flexibility , just wish was more hours. My kids are my world and I am finding as they are getting bigger I need to get more organized. The go with the flow thing doesn't work with school, play dates , gymnastics....
But I love every minute of it...my kids bring me happiness I never knew could exist. They always no just what to say to make me laugh.

Lillian, she is 4 going on 20. She thinks she is a little adult and the attitude comes with it. I love that she isn't afraid to say how she feels and she is so observant. She starts school this year, she is in the headstart class. She is so excited to learn and play and make new friends. I am excited for her. She loves to do performance, she sing and dances around the room. She is so loving and giving, always willing to help.

Rickie, she is 2 and happy. She loves to cuddle and snuggle but she also has a wild side. She loves to climb and get dirty, she is very adventurous. She is mellow for the most part and can be so quiet at times...not use to that after having Lilly. She is a little bit of a tomboy ..she hates when I do her hair and she hates clothes. I love her little curls in her hair, she is beautiful.

Elijah, wow he is 4 months old already. He is seriously the happiest baby ever! He laughs and smiles and is just so content. He is my little angel...its like he knows his sisters are being crazy and if he was too it would push mommy over the edge. I love his cute personality and am excited to watch it develop.

We are all doing great and are excited for things to come...sorry so boring I will share more funny tid bits later.

FRUSTRATED!

Well I started the HCG diet on August 7th....basically you don't get to eat more then 500 calories and you take these drops 3 times a day.

First week of no food/less food was rough...but lost 10 pounds in the first week...YAY! So was total into it but now the weight lost as slowed down and I feel less motivated to not eat.

So I went 3 days without losing weight which makes me think why starve if not working..so I cheat. I lost 3 more pounds because when I cheated I didn't eat dinner. Then I followed all the rules and gained 2 pounds back. So frustrating!

So I have lost 11 pounds total in a little less then 2 weeks. Which I know is way good I just am struggling. I keep cheating but little cheats then am mad at myself after.

The thing is I want to be skinny again...before i had Lilly I was small size 6 129 pounds. Having her is worth the weight I put on but damn i didn't think it would take this long to take off. And three kids later I am over weight and unhappy with my appearance. Which sucks cause i use to love how I looked.

Wish I could find my skinny pic I got from Jill from when I was first prego with Lilly I would post it. But this is from when me and Erick first started dating.

This is the goal..I mean I will never be 129 and size 6 but i would love to be 60 pounds lighter. So when you look at the over all goal 11 pounds is nothing...you can't even really tell since I am still big.

Just having a frustrating moment...I am going to hang in there with this diet and finish the first round Sept. 4th. I am going to stop cheating and start walking see what happens...

Happened again....

So I told most everybody this but my first week back after having Elijah (went back after 3 weeks) a regular customer came in, she says to me "I wondered if you had your baby yet..Guess not though" I say to her "No I already had him"...then crickets...not a sound...it was like time stood still to highlight the moment...i wanted to cry...didn't but wanted to.

So I go to the Dr. today for my 6 week postpartum appointment and it happens again. First let me say I hate women who are 9 months pregnant and tummy's look like they just ate a big meal..meaning tiny! Anyways I get weighed (we will discuss in a moment) and checked out...Dr. Hall is so nice, so I am feeling pretty good as a get on the elevator...A woman in the elevator says to me "Well,(smiling and overly enthusiastic) when is your baby due?" I say "I already had my baby"...which sets her off on the whole "It takes time"..."its worth it" blah blah blah...never been so happy to get off an elevator.

So needless to say I am feeling great about myself!!!! I weigh 204 pounds...yep that's right 204..I have gained 2 pounds since my vow to try and lose weight. Although I must say I haven't really done my part. I went on a walk yesterday..not a long one cause it was raining but it counts as exercise...haven't touch pilates...Have cut back a little on the DR. Pepper...but that's cause we are broke.

Jill's friend is on diet pills its been 3 months and she has lost 35 pounds...want them! Dr. Hall wont perscrib them...to much risk and he likes the old exercise eat right method of weight lost... YUCK! So I got the name of Jill's friend's Dr....only problem is I am breast feeding so can't take them...by the time Elijah is one I wont have insurance to get pills...so that sucks!

Am still going to work on losing weight...I really am..I mean it...I am